Transitioning from a female to a male is hard in our society. I knew that there would be plenty of people who would make their displeasure known once I told them about my gender reassignment, but I didn’t expect my parents to be part of it. The fact of the matter is that I wouldn’t even be writing to you if it weren’t for my parents’ complete acceptance-180, from what I thought was a showing of support for my plight, to them being openly dismissive of me and still calling me their “daughter”.
My parents have always been accepting of others for being different. They are (supposedly) in favor of complete LGBTQPAI rights, they are feminists, and they vote solidly Democrat. We have had discussions before about transsexuality and gender reassignment operations, they were fully supportive of people on the news getting them done, and supportive of forcing health insurers to cover it.
Nothing my parents had ever said to me made me feel like they would be at all judgmental of my lifestyle choices, or condescending to me in any way. I had decided that I wanted to start hormone therapy and have a mastectomy as soon as I could. I made it my New Year’s resolution to be well on my way to becoming completely male in 2015.
After telling my partner about my plans, I decided to tell my parents. Yes I know that it was going to be a shock to them, but their openness allowed me to believe that they would be fully supportive of me since I am their own flesh and blood. Sitting down at lunch with them I explained the details of what I was planning to do and what it would consist of.
When I had finished, my father excused himself from the table and sat out on the patio. A few minutes later, my mother joined him. I decided I would give them some time to let it sink in, I was their only child, I can understand it might be a little difficult at first to handle, but I knew they would be supportive of me.
Four or five days later, my mother called and asked me to come over so that we could talk, woman to woman. I informed her that I no longer wanted to be considered a woman and that we could talk mother to son. She started crying and hung up the phone. Later that day, my partner and I went over to their house, my parents were visibly upset, which I still believed was understandable, and said they didn’t want to talk about it.
We left thinking that maybe it would be best if we just let them called us. For a week we waited, no call, no text, no contact at all. Finally, my mother called me and we had a very open conversation. She made it very clear to me that neither her nor my father approved of the gender reassignment. I told her that she would get used to it, in time, but that it was going to happen, whether she liked it or not. I reminded her how progressive in her ideals she was over the years and how she was supportive of other people doing it. She then said that the people she supported was because they didn’t have any mental issues and clearly knew what they wanted, she suggested that I go see a therapist.
I screamed and cried at her the next 5 minutes, how dare she say that I needed to see a therapist. She was the one doing mental gymnastics to justify not supporting me in my choice. She was the one who so quickly changed her mind about supporting my rights. She had made it clear how her and my father thought of me, as a mental case. I would be damned if I was going to sit idly by and let that happen.
My partner and I went to their house the next day, not to talk, but to act. My parents’ car is in my name since I bought it for them two years ago. If they were going to be bigoted, they certainly wouldn’t be getting support from me. Taking back my property is my right, bigots may be protected by the first amendment, but they aren’t guaranteed the right to use their son’s car.
My mother called shortly afterwards and called me childish for taking back the car. I told her that her views on transsexuality are childish, and if she called me again I would consider it harassment and call the police. That was two weeks ago, and while it has been upsetting for me to go through this, I know that I am better off with that toxic part of my life behind me. My parents were not who I thought they were, if they ever change their mind, I am willing to let them back into my life, but for now, they don’t deserve it.